Tim's blog

I walk down the street after work. The sunset is already over but the sky is illuminated by the suns indirect reflection in the sky. It is dark but colourful and mystical. The late February brings here in Kanagawa a gently breeze of air. I need no hut anymore as the temperature became mild and the winter is already almost fully forgotten.
I just walk without special protection against extreme weather conditions or poisonous air; because there is nothing alike here. Also there is no flooding or earthquake causing difficulties.
It is just nice. I can just stand in the open. That place we exists at really rocks: earth.
Not just this place is exceptional, we are. Both, earth and us are unique in our world. We know of nothing alike. Not even close to what we know, all of us.
We just are. This place just exists.
The everyday miracle is what it is all about.
It is just truly exceptional.
Does this not feel like the last Monoceros? Yes. Why? It will not be always like this. Even if not thinking about pollution and overpopulation. Even with not thinking that we are disrespectful towards this all and also not really aware of it. Even if the world we live as humans would be “perfect“. The universe we exist in the moment has a temperature or let call it energy density.
In the easy and free way we know it will it not be forever. Probably survival even with the most unthinkable efforts at unthinkable places will be just impossible.
So it is anyway all about the limited time we have. Yes, anyway the future will not need us as we are now but it does not matter in what form we are.
A limited time is what we have. This applies to each individual human, to each kind of life and to all matter overall.
The biggest mixed feeling is what I feel: being happy and amazed but also deeply sad.
We are given the most unlikely thing we know: life. This even with the ability to be aware of it. But we treat the place we live at like an unwanted and unneeded piece of junk. We treat ourselves like this too. And even with the schizophrenic situation that each individual of us humans tries the exact opposite.
Is that reality? Is that changeable? Is that all also just given?
No. This is us. This is the twisted monster we are. This is the hard truths we have.
But hope always persists.
I try with my limited power to influence this world.
Hope is the ultimate temptation. Every coin has 2 sides. Balancing is not easy.
The limited time is for us and for each of us. Each life is ending and all life will end. I am not thinking of purpose here. It is the the fact of our existence between a point a and point b on a time scale.
Life is may be not that special. We don’t value it much overall. We are creatures with doing the same mistakes again and this even in a greater scale. We are really acting only different in the end of our lives (if at all).
We are like a ship sailing over an ocean. We have the ability to sail to nice places. We know nice places. But we sail almost randomly until we sink. A single human can be so mature and intelligent but also so incredible immature and stupid. There can be intelligent people doing so very stupid things.
I see this with myself.
The twisted monster…..
Can it be that a twisted monster like us wants to become an untwisted angel?
It that possible that we are just in a transition?
Are we in this painful phase of changing?
Am I a player of these movements?
Can we succeed?

A note made 2011-03-15:
Today, I find the time to read my own blog. This log entry I wrote in the train after work. By chance I wrote this “Also there is no flooding or earthquake causing difficulties.”. I was actually not thinking at this time of Japan but about the Tsunami in Thailand. Now it sounds strange that 1 month after my blog entry the biggest unthinkable nightmare came to Japan.
On the escape and currently in Osaka, I got my flight out of the growing hell here in Japan. In a few days I will see Japan getting smaller. The airplane will leave Japan in the clouds.
I find no words and leave it for now.