Tim's blog

I explored recently my first time the (the?, just mine only or every-bodies?) 2 levels of my “I”. May be better said, the 2 “I”s interacting with each other. I even don’t know if others think like this. I also did not (yet) check books and sources about the current scientific believe. I felt it so so strong. I felt it interacting! It is amazing. May be there are more levels of the “I”. May be there are different kinds of the “I”. But these 2 strong and dominant “I”s I am convinced exist in me and probably in each human. I am not talking here about a split personality. I am pretty much 1. I watch myself closely. I monitor me since many years. I am my own physiologist. I am a normal human with all its faults, weaknesses but also strengths and with a high awareness about my psyche.
First of all some basics: If a being or individual sees for instance a stone, the stone can never be perceived as it is in real. Even such a simple thing like a stone, may be even perfectly round, is too complex to be perceived completely. The inability to physical see with the eyes a stone in whole or by one hundred percent is even a point of view which I don’t address here.I could simplify it and say my eyes are able (which is not the case as impossibly) to see the stone fully. But after this, then comes the brain and this is the bigger task. Perceiving the environment means to interpret the environment. Interpret in the sense of to construe. It is impossible to perceive any part of the environment without interpreting it. Then there is thinking. I think so I am. But what it this “I”?. Every human perceives itself somehow. There is a concise and subconscious part. Nowadays, that is not a “may be” anymore but a generally agreed fact. But beside of this, the brain somehow creates an “I”. I think of it like a simulation. The brain processes the environment and on top creates a virtual “brain” which thinks but is not directly or primary “connected” to the senses. The lower level serves the “I” level to make it exist and create that “I”, like a computer simulation simulates the water movement on a surface or a chemical formula expresses a physical aspect. BUT I am not talking about that. I felt two “I”´s on the higher (!) level. I realize it is difficult to understand by reading these here so I explain how it happened. This is not what I want in my Blog here. I want to write my thoughts only without daily experiences but in this article it is unavoidable.

I am standing after taking pee in front of the bath mirror. Before I was standing up from the toilet seat I found out that Japan is my life decision and that will never change. Japan and all which is coming along influenced me most in my life. My decision to live there for years, and gain the fruits of life as a common man would and can gain, is the main factor in my life. That can never change and I, even not living there now, want to keep going that path and commit myself to it in full.
Anyway.
I stand in front of the mirror and think of that Japan topic in my life while watching my own eyes and face. When I am in public. I feel watched. In public I watch myself in a slightly different way as I am doing when I am alone. That is naturally so as I include the other person or people aspect in it. So in this moment I thought of myself and suddenly I feel 2 different ways of perception of myself. In this case it was a public and private view. These were two “I”s. There share the same opinion in general but in detail have also different opinions but happen in the very same moment. It is like 2 twins who live the whole life together and can complete the others sentence easily because of being so close together and of being so very similar, but not by 100%, just by 95%. But beside of the different 5 % there is still 100% harmony.
I don’t believe these 2 “I”´s (private and public views of myself) are the 2 “I”´s as these 2 kind of characters. I believe these 2 “I”´s simulations of myself interact and just in this moment it was a public and private thing but in other moments and in other situations or with other subjects, these 2 “I”s have different roles. Like for instance: good and bad, right and wrong, hard working and lazy, active and inactive, risky and safe and so on and so forth. Sometimes one is more silent then the other. In this moment, the private view was louder. But then my attention got to the other “I” and it was already there, the other “I”, the public view. It felt having 2 “I”s at the same moment interacting and I was watching. This not in the way of thinking about a point of view but a deep feeling.
But if I can decide now which “I” I give more attention, then there is may be at least a third “I”? or is it just these two like oil and water on a straight surface with always take together the same space but each can get larger and the other can get smaller and vice versa. Anyway. The “I” is not alone. It feels that it can not be alone. They “talk” about the environment (as served from a lover level) and conclude it. They talk faster to each other as myself an do. A single “I” would be may be often lost to a wrong path of thoughts and thinking. The same facts can lead to different opinions if the path of thinking is different.may be that is the thing. The complex world around requires a complex perceiving of it, a complex way of how the brain works. That is simplified but my own explanation is here above.
Full stop here. …but I realize a big problem. Now, I am convinced about this. May be it is untrue. That would mean I am wrong. But being convinced about something influences the perception a lot. A wrong perception can easily lead to wrong belief. That means, I (I mean here the “physical” or “individual” I and not the mental “I”) as a single person can not be sure of this. Besides, there is no such separation of the physical I and the mental I. The physical I just describes me being a single individual.
Thinking about thinking is always a bit confusing. I will never know but I am confident that we as human beings will know some day. May be artificial intelligence only works with this kind of complex system. May be I a must nuts. No, I did not drink as I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs. Ahh, this “I” thing is annoying, but I somehow like it.
I am one but with some “I”´s. That is crazy. We humans are crazy anyway.