Tim's blog

(no, not suicidal, just a romanticizing of the leaving)
In the last millennium as rather younger man I thought of me leaving for good is better with the decision on my own with a jump into a crevasse as a very old man. With global warming this glacier thing is obsolete. Ignoring many aspects of reality, I just dreamed of another way in a different way:
Where or how I am this moment does not matter but I watch in the night the stars and I feel my body switching of part by part.
My vision gets the impact and beside of the strong feeling of my disconnecting body and mind (just a feeling, I am not the soul believer) I see light stains growing in numbers and size. To my surprise in my dream, it is an amazing feeling; a condition to enjoy. The perception of the blinking and shining stars the mix by the not really existing lights, and in this moment I totally forget about everything real. No people or the world bothers me but just me in this state of fading out very slowly. A feeling in this dream so strong of not being afraid of leaving. No worries about my remains or anything. A peaceful departure driven by the physiology of my body and my mind just jumps on this ride without hesitation or resistance. I watch me going and the lights slowly grow until a state of loosing my vision totally and waiting to enter the total and final loss of consciousness.
Now, after this dream I wonder: should I not jump up and try to fight?! Should I not get my body heating up again and call am ambulance? Should I not get some medicine to make my blood circulation and got into a surge of survival?
No, it is me accepting and watching and enjoying and letting go.
Yes, may be it is so simple. Well, hopefully it will be so simple one day.